I’ve been told that all motivating factors can be broken down into two familes: fear and vision. This is something I’ve been pondering deeply, and I see how it applies to my current crisis of conflict.

I want to raise money again, but I’m stuck.

I have the vision. Last year, I raised $5,000 for Feed My Starving Children while training for a marathon (read my race report here). It was a six month stretch of my life that I will never forget. I am changed – better – because I did both that marathon and fundraiser.

I want to do it again, but this time I want to go bigger. I want to incorporate others – a team – and band together, utilizing our strengths to do something amazing.

Feed My Starving Children is a non-profit organization committed to feeding God’s children hungry in body and spirit. The approach is simple: children and adults in our community come together, regardless of race or religion, and we hand-pack meals specifically formulated for malnourished children.  These are shipped to nearly 70 countries around the world. 

FMSC has 4 permanent warehouses; two in Minneapolis and two in Chicago where volunteers come six days a week to pack nutritious meals for starving kids around the world.  However, they also will host MobilePack Events in various cities across the United States, which is what we are hosting this coming November in Roseville. 

My vision is to be a part of this event. I want to do what I can to help them reach their goal of $120,000 (500,000 meals). 

I’m already making lists, in fact. I have things broken down into steps. I’m working on concrete actions. And it excites me to once again be a part of something so grand.

I have the fear. I have a lot going on in my life. Things are unsettled. There are time-constraints and about a billion other commitments.

How am I supposed to fit in a bigger and better fundraising effort? I remember what it took out of me last year.

And what if I fail? I remember that fear. 

What if others aren’t as passionate or committed? Always a possibilitiy. 

What if the ball is dropped? Another possibility.

I am in a place where the notion of living an intentional simple life is very appealing. Moving away from an over-committed, over-scheduled, over-extended life, I want to form rich relationships. I don’t want to be so tired that I don’t take time to reflect on who I am and who I want to be.

But something in my current state has gotta give. I’m feeling worn thin. And that is stopping me from pursuing another fundraising venture with great vigor. But my heart gravitates toward the idea….which means, maybe, I should be giving up something else to make room for this.

Sigh.

Did I honestly commit to a 1:45 half marathon time yesterday? After a quick Twitter conversation this morning with @TheBeerRunner (who will also be running Napa-to-Sonoma), I realized a 1:45 finishing time is an 8:01 pace…FOR 13.1 MILES!! Goodness.

Even though it’s only three minutes less than what I ran last year, that pace is a shocking reality. I think I need to be a  bit more intentional about my training.

So here’s my plan (I love plans and lists and goals):

• Monday- RUN
• Tuesday- LIFT WEIGHTS/CORE
• Wednesday- YOGA
• Thursday- LIFT WEIGHTS/CORE
• Friday- REST/BIKE RIDE 
• Saturday- RUN or BIKE RIDE
• Sunday- RUN

If I don’t have a plan…and if I don’t put it out there for YOU to see, I’ll fail to take this seriously.

The Napa-to-Sonoma half marathon is in 8 weeks. This marks my third year participating in the race, and truly, it is a day-long event very close to my heart.

I registered for the race months ago but almost crossed it off my calendar last week. Since my decision NOT to run the Muir Woods trail marathon in April, I’ve had a nice relaxing mindset toward running. I’ve blogged over at Loving The Run a few times (You can read my posts here, here and here). I’ve laced up my Asics when I felt like it, slept in when I felt like it and gotten on my bike more than ever before. I figured I could pawn my slot to someone willing to pay the fee. I just wasn’t really into it.

But then I snapped back to reality.

• I will be running the Napa-to-Sonoma half marathon.
• I will adapt my training schedule to fit in perfectly with my life schedule.
• I will train for the next 8 weeks and race on July 17 with the goal of finishing in 1 hour 45 minutes (3 minutes less than my time last year).

So it begins…I’m baaaack and officially in “training mode.”

(and this totally makes me happy)

I’m no longer running the Muir Woods trail marathon on April 9th. And believe me, typing those words isn’t an easy thing for me.

As it turns out, the opening day of my son’s baseball season is scheduled for the same day. There is no way to do both, and Dad is running the American River 50, also on the same day (in prep for Western States 100). One parent needs to be there, to experience it with this seven year old. So I won’t be starting my race.

When I read the email Monday night, telling me that opening day had been postponed and re-set for April 9th, I cried. In fact, I cried and cried and cried. All over the back of the couch. Mascara everywhere. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

Fortunately my kids were already in bed.

To be honest, it was a good release for me. Maybe that news was what I needed to get out some pent up emotion. I don’t cry often…But with all that life has been throwing at me lately, I truly needed a good cry. 

I wanted to post something about this days ago, but I wasn’t ready. I needed time for my head and heart to synch up, and I needed to better understand my role as a mama. Moreover, since that cry, I’ve talked with my son. It was a very grown-up conversation, in fact, and he recognizes how hard I have been training and how much I love to run. He admitted it was a tough decision. He even initially gave me the out. “Do the race,” he said.

But as the conversation continued, just he and I, he asked the following question:

“What do you like best?”

And I answered: “You.” Right then the decision was clear.

I often have to miss baseball practice because of work (It breaks my heart, but I’m a working mom and don’t understand how anyone can set a 4:30pm practice on a Tuesday). Because of that, I cannot justify ALSO missing baseball because of a hobby; no matter how important my hobby is, no matter how many miles I’ve run, no matter how badly I want to finish marathon #2.

I know I made the right decision. It still hurts, but I do plan on looking for a race to run in the next couple of weeks.

I’m ready to run 26.2. I just need to work around the baseball schedule.

I just gotta talk this out with someone…and since I have a blog dedicated – in part – to running, it makes sense that this is where I attempt to organize my thoughts.

See if you can keep up [wink, wink]:

Four weeks from tomorrow, I am scheduled to run the Muir Woods trail marathon. It’s not going to be easy. It starts at Stinson Beach and heads up the mountain. There will be tough climbs, rugged terrain and questionable weather. A walk in the park is not what I expect.

If this were tomorrow morning, I have no doubt that I could run it fairly gracefully (if you can call trail running a graceful sport). I ran a good 30K trail race two weeks ago that had some serious climbing, crossed similar terrain and was freezing cold. I finished in 3 hours and 41 minutes. I took the following day off, but two days later, went out on a 5 mile run and felt GREAT.

This thing called “life” has forced me to taper quite a bit the last two weeks, however….which would set me up PERFECTLY to run 26.2 of trails tomorrow.

But the race is another four weeks away. And I know I will not be able to get myweekly mileage back up to 32-35 like I was doing a month ago. I will still be running and riding the bike trainer when I can’t run, but bottom line, I won’t be as prepared as I’d like to be for the marathon.

Additionally, I’m running ths marathon solo. I don’t have anyone to drive down with, to go to dinner with the day before, to start with, to run with or to finish with. And as we all know, that support team is crucial to the games one’s mind plays during a  tough race.

Part of me wants to back off from my commitment to run this marathon. I can get credit for another race. I can regroup, figure out Plan B and take the pressure off.

Part of me hates the thought of not following through on something I have been gearing up for. Running is a deep part of me now and the emotional-release aspect of it will be sorely missed should I make the decision to postpone.

So, what’s my next move?

UPDATE: The last day for rollover credits was three days ago. I’m running (I hate wasting money). Problem solved.

For the last 12 months, I’ve held to a pretty strict running schedule. Monday and Wednesday mornings have always been 4-8 mile days (depending on the point in my training, of course). Fridays were 2-4 miles. Saturdays were long run days.

I rarely veered from that calendar.

Times have changed, however, and I now find myself in a position where – 4 weeks away from my second trail marathon – I am forced to switch up my running schedule significantly. Sigh…

The part of me that seeks stability contemplated crossing the marathon off my list. I thought about regrouping and trying for another race in the fall. The brave part of me, however, shot that idea down and is determined to continue my training. But the calendar is going to look a bit different…

My plan from here on out is to break the week in half: Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I’m going to get on the bike trainer out in the garage (Now I will be a true student of #bikeschool). Saturday, Sunday and Mondays will be run days; just three, but if I am intentional at every mile and make them count, and add the bike twice a week, I will start the race on April 9th with confidence.

As many of you know, I don’t do well with changes to the calendar…but my love of running outweighs that weak thread. I want to run. I want to race. And I will adapt.

Right?!

It’s been a difficult week of running. I ran a strong – and fast – eight miles last SATURDAY, but it was only eight as I wanted to taper a bit in anticipation of tomorrow’s Redwood Park 30K trail race. SUNDAY, I was in Orange County for work and was determined to run another eight on the hotel’s treadmill…but the facility didn’t open until 6am. Sadly, this didn’t leave me enough time to run, shower, eat and get out the door in time.

I was disappointed.

MONDAY brought another running mishap. Although I had the day off work, my daughter was sick and my husband also needed to get a long run in. More importantly, I guess, I just wasn’t in the mood to tie my laces. I finally pulled it together enough to do a sluggish four miles that afternoon, buthonestly, my heart wasn’t in it.

WEDNESDAY morning I woke to major hamstring pain. I don’t know what the heck I did….After 15 minutes of intense indecisiveness, I finally came to grips with the fact that it would be better NOT to risk further injury and to take an additional day off. Again, I was disappointed.

Layered on the week’s low mileage and unexplained hamstring pain, it’s about this time before a race that I panic:

Have I worked hard enough?
Have I logged enough miles?
Maybe I’m not as strong as I should be…
Agk! I should have started strength-training months ago!
How will this week’s low mileage affect my marathon performance in five weeks?

Doubt. I’ve written about it before. Every runner experiences it at some point before a big race. And seriously, it’s annoying as hell.

Last year I raised $5,000 for Feed My Starving Children. This year, I find myself leading a fundraising team that needs to raise $80,000.

$80,000 = approximately 500,000 life-giving MobilePack meals…and THAT is the goal of this year’s community event (set for November 2011).

Last year I learned many lessons: about fundraising, about giving, about asking, about running. It was an amazing six months of my life. Never before had I set my eyes on such a goal. Never before had I trained so hard and worked so hard and gone so out of my comfort zone. And never before had I experienced such a sense of fulfillment.

Fundraising is about raising money for a cause (duh!). It is also about what it does to the person facilitating the efforts. As a mom of two, who also works full-time, is training for a marathon, and who often feels overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life (don’t we all?!), I relish my participation in this year’s FMSC event. Life is busy, but that doesn’t mean we should stop thinking of others. And when I pull my head away from the consistently incomplete ‘To Do’ list of my life, I see that there really are areas of attempted perfection I can give up. Focusing on life outside my four walls, I recognize balance in working toward something bigger.

And most importantly, I see that I am happy.

My fundraising campaign is over, but my heart continues to ponder how I might contribute to the ‘Feed My Starving Children’ organization. It’s an odd feeling, really. My life is excruciatingly busy and hectic. Despite that, however, there is something burning inside of me, prompting me to once again look beyond my personal 24 hours/7 days a week. I want to continue the story I started last year and I want to serve in a way that is greater than little ‘ole me (Even just typing that thought out brings a smile to my face!).

I’ve been asked a couple of times if I am still able to receive donations for the campaign, and the answer is a heartfelt ‘YES!’ My Pay Pal account is still up and going, and for tax purposes, checks can be addressed to Valley Springs and then mailed to me (email me at kellyg@raceforothers.com for details).  

Another ’Feed My Starving Children’ meal packing weekend is planned for November 2011. The first brainstorming meeting for that takes place next week, and I am thrilled to be a part of this community event from the get go. Last year, when I donned a hair net, watched a “How To” video and walked in to begin my two hour meal packing slot, I had no idea where things would go. I’ve invested a lot in this organization – and many of you have invested time, effort and money as well. What an amazing thing it will be for me to again partner with my church, the community, the Feed My Starving Children organization to make that weekend in November a success.

I’m contemplating the idea of beginning another full fledged fundraising attack while training for…say…a 50K trail race. I’m going to start looking around to see what options may be. And I’m going to attend that FMSC planning session next week to get more details about what they might need and how it all worked last year (before I came on the scene and committed to raising $5,000). I don’t know…

But something is still going on, and I’m pretty excited about it.

Kelly

P.S. I am not great about promoting myself, but if you are interested in reading the manuscript I wrote about last year’s campaign, shoot me an email. I’d be happy to send it to you.

I haven’t written anything about running lately…well, that’s not entirely true. I wrote a book.

About running.
About training for a marathon.
About raising money for ‘Feed My Starving Children.’
About growth.
About my heart.

The book took a lot of the already limited writing time that I have…but it’s done now and I feel like a running post is due.

Training for a SECOND marathon is a funny thing. I’m a little more relaxed in my schedule, and I find myself concentrating less on the miles and more on the muscles I’m using, the strides I take, the way I feel as a whole. 26.2 miles doesn’t scare me. I’ve done it before, and I know I will physically be able to do it again. Thankfully, the marathon is off-road. THAT extra-difficulty keeps me motivated and intentional in my training.

Running remains a priority to me, but my attitude has changed. No longer am I logging my times (thanks to insight from Jim). We made a pact to “run naked,” a.k.a. to run the miles and not for time. And surprisingly, it is an easier thing to do than I originally thought.

I’ve been running strong this last month; I think I hit 28 miles/week two weeks ago. Last week was an odd week of running, but after analyzing the possible reasons why, I altered a couple of things and am now back in the mode I need to be in.

To be honest, sometimes I feel like I’m a little too relaxed in my schedule. For instance, I relinquished my morning to run today because my husband will be home solo with the kids the next two days…which means he won’t get his regularly-scheduled run in.

And training for Western States 100 is more crucial than my little trail marathon in April.

So I let him run on my morning.

Life is busy these days, and I find myself bouncing back and forth between why I run. Somedays I escape. Somedays I need the physical exertion. Somedays I’m inspired by the running community. Regardless however, whatever the reason, whatever the mile, and whatever the terrain, I stop running and am just extremely grateful for its place in my life.

Like nothing else in life, running makes me a better person.